Turn Your iPod Into a Ouija Board

When we first heard that occultists were using the new iPod to channel spirits, we had our doubts. Why would ancient spirits choose to manifest themselves in consumer electronics -- don't they prefer the dusty seclusion of basement séances? Apparently not.

The introduction of the Click Wheel alphabet-search system in the new iPod range has opened the floodgates to a new breed of occultist. Not only can the Click Wheel emulate the traditional Ouija board and planchette, but it does so in a small, portable format. Leading Ouija boardists have discovered that the iPod can not only provide the traditional letters and numbers of the board, but spirits are now able to pick songs, or play lists, to convey their messages.

It being Halloween today, we decided to give it a go. Our iOuija board is a new electric pink iPod nano. We placed our fingers on the iPod and our PC Editor invoked ancient chants to open a gate to the world beyond. Once we were fairly sure a spirit had possessed the iPod, we asked it, "What is your name?"

This first effort was unexpectedly successful. It took a while for our fingers to move around the Click Wheel, and the iPod shifted about a bit on the desk (to be expected when it's channeling other worlds). The spirit's name appeared to be 'brad'. We asked brad, "When did you die?"

The results of this question were rather less impressive. Perhaps Brad had become petulant, perhaps Brad didn't want us summoning him and asking bothersome questions. Alternatively, Brad was bad at spelling:

We asked Brad, "How did you die?" Our fingers slipped on the Click Wheel and transitioned to a different menu. Clearly Brad wanted to communicate with us using the medium of song. Our fingers scrolled slowly though the tracks, as it neared the 'M' section it slowed to almost a stop before settling, chillingly, on Murder Incorporated. This was a shock few of us were ready for -- the ghost liked Bruce Springsteen.

We asked Brad some more questions, which he refused to answer in any coherent manner. After a long pause, our fingers shot down the track listing again, spinning the Click Wheel like a demonic merry-go-round. The Wheel settled on Better Be Home Soon.

Brad was telling us he wanted to go. We all took our fingers off the iPod planchette and let Brad return to the spirit world.

The iPod iOuija board works far better than the traditional Ouija board. During future sessions we intend to plug it into a loud stereo system to increase the scary quotient when a spirit picks a track. Let us know how you got on with channeling spirits with your own iPods. Owners of an iPod prior to the latest versions won't be able to use the search feature as a planchette, but they can still let spirits pick tracks.